When I was a kid, my dad decided I should learn how to swim. So he threw me into the deep end of a busy, public pool. To his credit, he jumped in right after me. He stayed close, encouraged me, and helped me not drown. After flailing around a bit, I figured out how to do the good ol’ doggie paddle. After that… well, that was it. From there I was pretty much on my own.
Fast forward to today — turns out I am a terrible swimmer.
I won’t drown, and I’ve graduated from the doggie paddle, but I’m one of those people who has no idea how to do the whole turn-your-head-sideways-take-a-breath-exhale-into-the-water-over-and-over rhythm that real swimmers do. I just swim with my head lifted straight up the whole time, like a very determined turtle. Yeah, feel free to take a moment to laugh at me. Just don’t sign me up for a marathon swim, and try not to watch too closely if we’re ever at the same pool. It’s not pretty.
Here’s the point — I learned just enough to keep my head above water, but I never learned how to do it well. And as you know, once we’ve built weird habits, they’re really hard to unlearn.
Sometimes, that’s what’s going on with some of the people we lead.
When we hand off a task or a responsibility without equipping someone properly, they eventually figure out something. They cobble together a way to keep their head above water. But they also build weird habits, miss key skills, and sometimes they flail long enough that they eventually give up — or worse, they keep flailing for years and we wonder why they never seem to “get it right.”
This is also where a lot of people get delegation wrong. We confuse ‘handing something off’ with ‘developing someone’. The two are not the same thing. Quite often, delegation includes development. Otherwise it’s just dumping work on someone who may or may not know what they’re doing and hoping for the best.
As leaders, our job isn’t to throw people in and hope they swim. Our job is to equip and empower them with what they need to succeed. Often, that means walking them through it.
Years ago I came across a very simple formula from a book by Dave and Jon Ferguson, and it’s stuck with me ever since. Five almost embarrassingly simple steps. But don’t let the simplicity fool you — this is a time-tested process for teaching people how to build skills, gain experience, and eventually become genuinely good at what they do. It’s how people learn to sail, draw, play football, or run a kitchen. If it works for those things, it should work for developing the people we lead too.
One thing before the steps themselves: every step ends with a conversation. That’s not filler. The conversation after each step is where the learning happens.
Here are the five steps, with a couple of examples throughout.
Step 1: I do. You watch. We talk.
You do the work. The learner observes. Then you meet to debrief.
This is where most leaders rush. They want the new person productive immediately. But the watching phase is where the learner starts to see how you think, not just what you do. Sometimes, that’s more important than just the know-how.
Team Leader: A team lead is preparing someone to start running the weekly team meeting. For the first few weeks, the new person just sits in and observes. They watch how the leader sets the agenda, manages the flow, handles a tangent, and wraps up with action items. After each meeting, they grab fifteen minutes to walk through what happened and why.
Front-Desk Worker: A hotel front desk supervisor is training a new associate on guest check-in. For the first shift, the new associate stands beside the supervisor and just watches. They observe how the supervisor greets guests, handles a room-change request, and quietly resolves a billing issue without making it a big deal. They debrief at the end of or throughout the shift.
Step 2: I do. You help. We talk.
Now the learner steps in. Not to take over — just to help. You’re still leading the work, but they have a defined piece they’re responsible for.
This is where confidence starts to build in the learner. They’ve seen you do it and know you’re right there if they have issues or questions. Three simple questions close the loop — What worked? What didn’t work? How can we improve?
Team Leader: That same team lead now lets the new person run the first ten minutes of the team meeting — the check-ins and the agenda review — while she handles the harder discussion items. Afterward, they debrief on what felt smooth and where the new person got tripped up.
Front-Desk Worker: The front desk supervisor asks the associate to handle the keycard programming and room assignments at check-in while the supervisor manages the conversation with the guest. They walk through the shift together at the end of the day.
Step 3: You do. I help. We talk.
Now the roles flip. The learner is leading, and you’re supporting.
This is the step most leaders skip, and it might actually be the most important one. It’s tempting to jump from “you help me” straight to “you’re on your own.” Don’t give in to the temptation! The learner usually needs a little more experience while knowing there’s a safety net. The point here is to give them the responsibility but with full support. At the end, don’t forget to ask the same three focus questions — What worked? What didn’t work? How can we improve?
Team Leader: The new person now runs the team meeting from start to finish. The team lead is in the room, but mostly quiet — stepping in only when something gets genuinely off track. The new person owns the outcome. They still debrief afterward, but the wins are starting to be theirs.
Front-Desk Worker: The associate now handles guest check-ins on their own. The supervisor stays at the desk, available for the trickier situations — a frustrated guest, a complicated reservation, a system glitch. But the associate is making the calls, and only pulling the supervisor in when needed.
Step 4: You do. I watch. We talk.
And… now we throw them in the pool. Only this time they already know how to swim. The learner is doing the whole thing. You’re present but no longer involved — you’re observing, the way they observed you in step one.
This step is mostly about confirming what’s already true: they can do this. That said, it’s still valuable to end with the conversation asking — What worked? What didn’t work? How can we improve?
Team Leader: The new person now owns the weekly meeting completely. The team lead occasionally sits in just to listen, then sends a quick note afterward — usually just a pat on the back with one small thing to think about. The training wheels are off.
Front-Desk Worker: The associate is now running shifts on their own. The supervisor stops by once or twice a week, watches a few check-ins from a distance, and gives feedback over coffee afterward. The associate is, for all practical purposes, a fully capable front desk professional.
Step 5: You do. Someone else watches. They talk.
This is where it all comes full circle. The person you developed is no longer the learner, they become the trainer. They are doing the work and they’re starting the process over with someone else.
That has two big payoffs. First, your impact multiplies. The skills you invested in one person are now being passed to another, and eventually to another after that. Second, you get freed up. You’re no longer the bottleneck on this particular skill or responsibility. That means you can finally focus your attention on the work only you can do — the next priority, the next initiative, the next person to develop.
And of course, you don’t just disappear. You shift into a coaching role. You’re available when needed, checking in periodically. But the day-to-day work has a new owner, and they’re already growing the next one.
A Challenge for You
Think about the people on your team who are struggling. The ones who never quite seem to get it. The ones you find yourself frustrated with because they keep making the same mistakes, or because they just won’t step up.
Now ask yourself an honest question: were they ever actually equipped?
Not given a job description. Not handed a login and a desk. Equipped. Walked through the work by someone who knew what they were doing. Given the chance to help before they had to do it solo. Coached through their first attempts with a safety net underneath them.
Most of the time, the people we’re frustrated with were never thrown a rope. They were thrown in the deep end and told to figure it out. Some of them did, in their own weird way — like me and my turtle swim. But they’re not thriving. They’re surviving. And we’re the ones who put them there.
The good news is you get to decide what happens next. Pick one person this week — maybe someone who’s been struggling, or maybe someone new where you can get it right from the start. Begin at Step 1 and walk them through the work. And don’t forget to have that conversation each time.
This whole process takes a little longer up front but the payoff is so much better than substandard work for weeks, months or years!
Note: The five-step framework above originates from the book Exponential by Dave and Jon Ferguson.
Photo by Stephen Leonardi.